The causes of re-marrying during the lifetime of the wife are as follows: the folly or ill temper of the wife; her husband’s dislike of her; the want of offspring; the continual birth of daughters; the incontinence of the husband.
From the very beginning, a wife should endeavor to attract the heart of her husband by showing to him continually her devotion, her good temper, and her wisdom. If however, she bears him no children, she should herself tell her husband to marry another woman. And when the second wife is married, and brought to the house, the wife should give her a position superior to her own, and look upon her as a sister.
In the morning, the elder wife should forcibly make the younger one decorate herself in the presence of their husband, and should not mind all the husband’s favor being given to her. If the younger wife does anything to displease her husband, the elder one should not neglect her, but should always be ready to give her most careful advice, and should teach her to do various things in the presence of her husband. Her children she should treat as her own, her attendants she should cherish with love and kindness, and her relations with great honor.
When there are many other wives beside herself, the elder wife should associate with the one who is immediately next to her in rank and age, and should instigate the wife who has recently enjoyed her husband’s favor to quarrel with the present favorite. After this she should sympathize with the former, and having collected all the other wives together, should get them to denounce the favorite as a scheming and wicked woman, without however committing herself in any way.
If the favorite wife happens to quarrel with the husband, then the elder wife should take her part and give her false encouragement, and thus cause the quarrel to be increased. If there be only a little quarrel between the two, the elder wife should do all she can to work it up into a large quarrel. But if after all this, she finds the husband still continues to love his favorite wife, she should then change her tactics, and endeavor to bring about a conciliation between them, so as to avoid her husband’s displeasure. Thus ends the conduct of the elder wife.
The younger wife should regard the elder wife of her husband as her mother, and should not give anything away, even to her won relations, without her knowledge. She should tell her everything about herself, and not approach her husband without her permission. Whatever is told to her by the elder wife she should not reveal to others, and she should take care of the children of the senior even more than of her own. When alone with her husband she should serve him well, but should not tell him of the pain she suffers from the existence of a rival wife.
She may also obtain secretly from her husband some marks of his particular regard for her, and may tell him that she lives only for him, and for the regard that he has for her. She should never reveal her love for her husband, nor her husband’s love for her to any person, either in pride or in anger, for a wife that reveals the secrets of her husband is despised by him. As for seeking to obtain the regard of her husband, Gonardiya says, this should always be done in private, for fear of the elder wife. If the elder wife be disliked by her husband, or be childless, she should sympathize with her, and should ask her husband to do the same, but should surpass her in leading the life of a chaste woman. Thus ends the conduct of the younger wife towards the elder.
A widow in poor circumstances, or of a weak nature, and who allies herself again to a man, is called a widow re-married. The followers of Babhravya say that a virgin widow should not marry a person whom she may be obliged to leave on account of his bad character, or of his being destitute of the excellent qualities of a man, she thus being obliged to have recourse to another person. Gonardiya is of the opinion that as the cause of a widow marrying again is her desire for happiness, and as happiness is secured by the possession of excellent qualities in her husband, joined to love of enjoyment, it is better therefore, to secure a person endowed with such qualities in the first instance. Vatsyayana however, thinks that a widow may marry any person that she likes, and that she thinks will suit her.
At the time of her marriage, the widow should obtain from her husband the money to pay the costs of drinking parties, and picnics with her relations, and of giving them and her friends kindly gifts and presents; or she may do these things at her own cost if she likes. In the same way, she may wear either her husband’s ornaments or her own. As to the presents of affection mutually exchanged between the husband and herself, there is no fixed rule about them. If she leaves her husband after marriage of her own accord, she should restore to him whatever he may have given her, with the exception of the mutual presents. If however, she is driven out of the house by husband, she should not return anything to him.
After her marriage, she should live in the house of her husband like one of the chief members of the family, but should treat the other ladies of the family with kindness, the servants with generosity, and all the friends of the house with familiarity and good temper. She should show that she is better acquainted with the sixty-four arts than the other ladies of the house, and in any quarrels with her husband, she should not rebuke him severely, but in private do everything that he wishes, and make use of the sixty-four ways of enjoyment.
She should be obliging to the other wives of her husband, and to their children she should give presents, behave as their mistress, and make ornaments and playthings for their use. In the friends and servants of her husband she should confide more than in his other wives, and finally she should have a liking for drinking parties, going to picnics, attending fairs and festivals, and for carrying out all kinds of games and amusements. Thus ends the conduct of a virgin widow remarried.
A woman who is disliked by her husband, and annoyed and distressed by his other wives, should associate with the wife who is liked most by her husband, and who serves him more than the others, and should teach her all the arts with which she is acquainted. She should act as the nurse of her husband’s children, and having gained over his friends to her side, should through them make him acquainted of her devotion to him.
In religious ceremonies she should be a leader, as also in vows and fasts, and should not hold too good an opinion of herself. When her husband is lying on his bed, she should only go near him when it is agreeable to him, and should never rebuke him, or show obstinacy in any way. If her husband happens to quarrel with any of his other wives, she should manage to bring about the meeting between them. She should, moreover, make herself acquainted with the weak points of her husband’s character, but always keep them secret, and on the whole behave herself in such a way as may lead him to look upon her as a good and devoted wife. Here ends the conduct of a wife disliked by her husband.
A man marrying many wives should act fairly towards them all. He should neither disregard not pass over their faults, and should not reveal to one wife the love, passion, bodily blemishes, and confidential reproaches of the other. No opportunity should be given to any one of them of speaking to him about their rivals, and if one of them should begin to speak ill of another, he should chide her and tell her that she has exactly the same blemishes in her character.
One of them he should please by secret confidence, another by secret respect, and another by secret flattery, and he should please them all by going to gardens, by amusements, by presents, by honoring their relations, by telling them secrets, and lastly by loving unions. A young woman who is of a good temper, and who conducts herself according to the precepts of the Holy Writ, wins her husband’s attachment, and obtains superiority over her rivals.
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