Thursday, February 25, 2010

Does Size Matter for women?

Women are broadly divided into two categories. The first consists of those who treat men’s care about the penis size as an unpleasant obsession, showing our inferiority and barbarism rather than anything else. Some of them even feel that our strive to make our penises longer and boasting of the size is just a proof of our dominant nature as well as an subconscious and primitive attempt to subdue women. Besides, they say, the length has nothing to do with the pleasure – most nerves responsible for orgasm are located in the opening anyway.


Other women have quite different view of this matter. While they, too, consider concentration on one’s penis strange to say the least, they understand that (a) longer penis means also the increased girth – and it is the girth of penis that makes sex more enjoyable for women – and (b) that in the contemporary culture those men who are not well-gifted down there will sooner or later feel weaker, worse and frustrated with their small size. Even if the size itself is completely adequate for most women, the stress and frustration because of “having-it-too-small” problem may ruin their life and noticeably worsen their performance in bed.


With the constantly increasing number of men who want to increased their penis’ length, the industry was quick to follow. Nowadays there are dozens various methods of enlarging one’s penis. Various kinds of penis enhancement pills, penis pumps or phalloplasty (plastic surgery operation aimed at increasing the penis length) are but a few examples of what can be done to make your manhood longer. However, be warned: not all of those methods are accepted by women!


The truth is that many women feel repulsed by some of the methods men use to increase the size of their penises. Penis pumps, for example, are treated as a porn actor’s tool and most women sooner die that have sex with someone who used it. However, penis enhancement pills, especially those using natural herbal extracts, are generally endorsed by women as producing best and most natural effects.


Women accept herbal pills so easily because of the approach the supplement creators have taken while engineering the supplements. Instead of trying to force the penis to erect, they do their job by improving men’s health and smoothing the blood circulation in the penis, thus making erections last longer without any health risks. Besides, such herbs as Catuaba Bark Extract or Asian Red Ginseng are well-known herbs and women more or less understand how they affect men’s body.



Penis enlargement pills that rely on herbal extracts have also an additional strength: their positive influence on the overall penile health of a man. The increased erection they cause does not come from adrenaline boost, but from the fact that penis is healthier and stronger than ever before. Besides, the pills are known to help counter such negative penile health conditions as erectile dysfunctions or problems with impotence. More and more doctors encourage their patients to use them or even use them themselves to prevent any potential health problems from appearing.


While the size is extremely important, it is the overall effect of the penis enlargement method that matters. How does it affect your body as a whole? How does it help or hinder your performance? What are its effects in the long run? If you neglect it, you risk serious long-term penile health problems. If you want to care about yourself and your sex life, be happy, and satisfied with your life and performance, herbal supplements are about the only option you have.

Last Longer for better sex

How to Last Longer in bed and get much better sex!


Does the prospect of having sex sometimes seem too daunting just because of a history of unsatisfying experiences? Changing your sexual patterns may be a burning issue for you, a passing curiosity or perhaps you know someone that could benefit from this information. In any case I am sure you will find the following informative and interesting.


1. Slow down.


It may seem obvious, but the number one way to make sex last longer is to do everything slower.


Breathing, feeling, foreplay, kissing and intercourse are all parts of the sex act that do not need to be rushed.


2. Give everything time.


Every moment in sex is worth experiencing fully.


Let things unfold in their own time and you will be rewarded with richer experiences during sex and more learning and satisfaction from sex.


3. Deepen your breathing.


Our breath connects us deeply to our body and its rhythms, as well as the rhythm of other bodies near us.



Focusing on breathing also helps to quiet the mind and sooth any internal dialogue that may be interfering with our natural enjoyment of the sex.


Here’s a hint, try synchronising your deep slow breathing with your partner’s.


4. Let go of expectations.


Without expectations around sex, we are free to more naturally savour the experience … however it is!


We can be more open to the experience and learn more as a result.


Without expectations we free ourselves from disappointment.


Here’s a trick … see if you can implement these techniques to improve your sex, without caring whether they work!



5. Focus on pleasure in sex rather than the sex act or outcome.


Regardless of certain ideas of sex perpetuated in the world, sex is not about the ending, it is about the whole experience.


Getting the girl, having an orgasm, giving an orgasm … these are all important aspects of sex.


But the most important element of sex is pleasure!


When you start enjoying every moment of sex … it will go on as long as you want!


6. Increase knowledge of your body.


Take the time to understand what brings you pleasure and learn how to pleasure yourself better. Don’t forget to share your new knowledge with your partner too.


Read up about anatomy. The human body is amazing!



7. Increase knowledge of your partner’s body.


Don’t be afraid to ask questions and always be open to trying new things in bed. Explore every part of your partner’s body like you have never seen or touched it before.


Every time you engage in sex it is a perfect opportunity to expand your sexual knowledge.


You can learn a lot about the human body by asking friends about their experiences too.


8. Reframe sex as a nurturing healing act.


When we attach shame and guilt to sex it is no wonder that it doesn’t flow naturally. Adjust your mindset around sex to reflect only positive aspects.


Sex feels so good, how could a gift like this be anything other than healing!



9. Let go of performance anxiety.


Performance anxiety is unnecessary. Be kind to yourself. Learn to forgive yourself if things don’t go perfectly, and then learn to stop caring about perfect anyway.


10. Feel your body from within.


Our sensual experience can be deepened dramatically by focusing on our experience from within our body.


Get out of your head and let your consciousness move to the centre of your body.


11. Be present.


Don’t let the mind wander or engage in pointless internal chatter. Don’t let your fantasies and thoughts take you further from the experience at hand.



Be in the present experience and the present moment.


So there you have it. Any of these tips individually can start to impact on your sexual performance right now. If you learn them all, you will be a master of your body in and out of the bedroom.


Don’t be daunted if it takes a little time though … these are life changing techniques and may take a bit of practice.


And most importantly of course, enjoy yourself practising!!


Love, Mukee

The Best Sexual Positions?

Heres the Top 5 Mistakes Guys Make when choosing which position to make love in !!


One of the many challenges men have is to decide on what positions to use when getting booty. The biggest fears are that the woman will get bored with the “same old, same old” and as a result lose interest in sex. So the question becomes, what are the best sexual positions? The best way to explain this is to talk about what NOT to do. With that in mind, I’ll now talk about the top five mistakes guys make when it comes to sexual positions, so that way you won’t continue making them.


Position Mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a porn movie. This is probably the biggest reason that guys fail with sexual positions. Inexperienced guys think porn is a good model because they see studs banging beautiful broads, andÖ well, they just don’t know any better. The problem is that sexual positions in those sorts of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to maximize pleasure for the actors.


And in fact, one of the WORST positions for clitoral and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push in too far. Plus it’s a position that puts pressure. (If you ever have a chance to go behind the scenes and watch the making of an adult movie, you’ll see how quickly the mood gets killed when the actress keeps having to stop the scene to go to the bathroom!)



Position Mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your weight off the woman, in any position. To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her man. She loves it when he leans on the underside of her thighs. So here’s a tip for you to try… Next time you’re having sex with your woman (while you’re engaged in actual intercourse, that is), get more of your weight on her. You see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man’s body pressed hard against her.


So how much weight should you put on her? Make it enough so that after you come, and the sexual frenzy dissipates, your woman will tell you that she feels like she’s being smooshed. Of course, do this within limits! If you’re on top off her grinding her pubic bone for too long, it can feel painful for her.


But the bottom line is that many, many women like to be pressured by at least some of the man’s weight. So save the gentlemanly sex for the royal family’s women!



Position Mistake 3: Letting the woman do all the work when she’s on top. For virtually every woman, sex is mostly a passive activity. So by being the motionless beta male, you destroy the whole purpose of sex for her, which is to open herself up to you penetrating into her body.


Position Mistake 4: Being a wimp. A lot of guys have read too many “Men are From Mars”-type books and think women like it if you ask permission for everything and let them take the lead. Be the alpha male instead and just “do it.” Flip her over, move her here and there. Be aggressive and even toss her about like a rag doll when you want to change positions, and… she’ll LOVE it! And don’t worry about it. If something is going on that the woman doesn’t like, she’ll let you know.



Position Mistake 5: Thinking the trickier positions are better. You don’t need to be upside down, hanging from a lamp, and doing something crazy. Just be normal. An old standby like the missionary (man on top, woman lying on her back) can be the best sexual position.


Tricky positions are just frustrating for everybody and often kill the mood because there’s too much “where should I put my arm?”… and not enough “let’s just have fun exploring.”

Sex advice: The art of a good blowjob

The art of giving a real good blowjob. Applying your lips and mouth to a man’s penis with the purpose of giving him pleasure is called a blowjob, fellatio, giving head… A good blowjob will not only give him immense pleasure but can also be extremely empowering for the giver. Real good oral sex consist of: Technique, enthusiasm and variety, lets look at how these all can combine to Give your partner a mind blowing orgasm !! :)



Performing the act

The lips and the tongue are the tools of stimulation in oral sex. While practice makes perfect, here are some basic tips on how to improve your oral sex technique.


Be careful first

Be careful with your teeth to prevent hurting your partner suck in your lips to remove the problem of your teeth grazing or nicking him. If you’re unsure of your partner’s sexual history be safe and use a condom. Oral sex gives more pleasure without a condom, but think of your own health and don’t take risks.


Condoms

Condoms can however be quite fun especially if you try some flavored condoms and apply a water-based lubricant to the penis before you put on the condom which will increase the pleasure given from fellatio.


Enthusiasm

One of the main ingredients to giving your partner pleasure is enthusiasm, let him know you are enjoying it to and this will make him even more excited. Your partner will want to know you are not just doing it to please him. He will want to know you enjoy as well!



Variety

Don’t always use technique, as surprise is a great weapon when trying to arouse him during fellatio, this means using your imagination and plenty of variety, keep him guessing as to what pleasure is in store next!


Basic tips for great fellatio

1. Use eye contact while sucking him; watch his expression as he receives pleasure.


2. Try and lick the whole length of his penis, and the ridge where the head joins the length, called the corona. This is the most sensitive part of his penis. Follow this ridge around to the underside. There’s a juncture where the two ends come together. This tiny area is the equivalent of the women’s clitoris so make sure you target it


3. Use your breath blow gently with your hot breath all over the penis this is an incredible way of getting him warmed up and hard before you start licking and sucking but can be used at any time as a tease.



4. Lick his scrotum or try drawing both of his balls in your mouth.

Use one hand to circle the top of the scrotum, and gently pull it down bringing the testicals together and place into your mouth. Also lick his testicles as well most men love this


8. Use your hands on the penis as well in addition to licking and sucking, using firm strokes will heighten his pleasure


9. Take the penis as far as you want to. Then close your eyes and concentrate. If you are unused or nervous of how far you can take it try the following: Very slowly ease the penis in taking it a bit at a time, until it’s all in. By doing it slowly you will overcome the problem many women have and you will not gag.


10. To give a BJ is not just about putting a penis in your mouth; you need to use your tongue to stimulate the head as well. Try alternating between sucking and licking with your tongue.


Of course, how you perform the above the order enthusiasm etc you put in will be reflected in the pleasure your partner receives. Keep in mind the following to give him a mind blowing orgasm



1. Be uninhibited.

Women exert considerable control over their partner’s aroused, erect penis and it is important to be uninhibited and enjoy fellatio.

While you can start slowly, the best way to satisfy your partner is to exert more pressure as you progress.


Really try and get into and concentrate on what you are doing, free your mind and you will provide a massive amount of pleasure


2. Tease him

Giving good fellatio is not just about using your mouth! Use your hands and also tease him with your responses as well. Run your hands over his chest, legs and touch his behind, gently cup his testicles and fondle them. You can also run your hand up and down the penis length as you use your mouth to heighten the experience.


Make sure you show him you are enjoying it as well, by stimulating yourself, moaning and talking to him about the pleasure it’s giving you.


Bringing it to conclusion.

Once he’s fully aroused and heading towards what will be a satisfying orgasm, its time to bring things to a conclusion.



Use gentle but firm suction and use an up and down motion with your head to move him towards hopefully a mind blowing orgasm.


Keep in mind enthusiasm, variety and expectation, combined with practice… but its practice you will enjoy ;)

The Kama Sutra: 29. Ways to loose a man

When a woman has to choose between two lovers, one of whom was formerly united with her, while the other is a stranger, the Acharyas (sages) are of the view that the first one is preferable, because his disposition and character being already known by previous careful observation, he can be easily pleased and satisfied; but Vatsyayana thinks that a former lover, having already spent a great deal of his wealth, is not able or willing to give much money again, and is not therefore to be relied upon so much as a stranger. Particular cases may however arise, differing from this general rule on account of the different natures of men.



There are also verses on the subject as follows: ‘Reunion with a former lover may be desirable so as to separate some particular woman from some particular man, or some particular man from some particular woman, or to have a certain effect upon the present lover.’


When a man is excessively attached to a woman, he is afraid of her coming into contact with other men; he does not then regard or notice her faults; and he gives her much wealth through fear of her leaving him.

A courtesan should be agreeable to the man who is attached to her, and despise the man who does not care for her. If while she is living with one man, a messenger comes to her from another man, she may either refuse to listen to any negotiations on his part, or appoint a fixed time for him to visit her, but she should not leave the man who may be living with her and who may be attached to her.


A wise woman should only renew her connection with a former lover if she is satisfied that good fortune, gain, love and friendship are likely to be the result of such a reunion.

The Kama Sutra: 28. Change in feelings

A woman should always know the state of the mind, of the feelings, and of the disposition of her lover towards her, from the changes of his temper, his manner, and the color of his face.



The behavior of a waning lover is as follows: he gives the woman either less than is wanted, or something else than that which is asked for; he keeps her in hopes by promises; he pretends to do one thing, and does something else; he does not fulfill her desires; he forgets his promises, or does something else than that which he has promised; he speaks in private with the attendants of a woman with whom he was formerly acquainted.


Now when a courtesan finds that her lover’s disposition towards her is changing, she should get possession of all his best things before he becomes aware of her intentions, and allow a supposed creditor to take them away forcibly from her in satisfaction of some pretended debt. After this, if the lover is rich, and has always behaved well towards her, she should ever treat him with respect; but if he is poor and destitute she should get rid of him as if she had never been acquainted with him in any way before.



The means of getting rid of a lover are as follows: describing the habits and vices of the lover as disagreeable and censurable, with the sneer of the lip, and the stamp of the foot; speaking on a subject with which he is not acquainted; showing no admiration for his learning, and passing a censure upon it; putting down his pride; seeking the company of men who are superior to him in learning and wisdom; showing a disregard for him on all occasions; censuring men possessed of the same faults as her lover; expressing dissatisfaction at the ways and means of enjoyment used by him; not giving him her mouth to kiss;


refusing access to her jaghanai i.e. the part of the body between the navel and the thighs; showing a dislike for the wounds made by his nails and teeth; not pressing close up against him at the time when he embraces her; keeping her limbs without movement at the time of congress; desiring him to enjoy her when he is fatigued; laughing at his attachment to her; not responding to his embraces; turning away from him when he begins to embrace her; pretending to be sleepy; going out visiting, or into company, when she perceives his desire to enjoy her during the day time; misconstructing his words; laughing without any joke,



or at the time of any joke made by him; laughing under some pretence; looking with side glances at her own attendants, and clapping her hands when he says anything; interrupting him in the middle of his stories, and beginning to tell other stories; reciting his faults and his vices, and declaring them to be incurable; saying words to her female attendants calculated to cut the heart of her lover to the quick; taking care not to look at him when he comes to her; asking him what cannot be granted; and, after all, finally dismissing him.


There are also two verses on this subject as follows: ‘The duty of a courtesan consists in forming connections with suitable men after due and full consideration and attaching the person with whom she is united to herself; in obtaining wealth from the person who is attached to her, and then dismissing him after she has taken away all his possessions’.


A courtesan leading in this manner the life of a wife is not troubled with too many lovers, and yet obtains abundance of wealth.


When a courtesan is resolved to take up again with a former lover, her Pithamarda and other servants should tell him that his former expulsion from the woman’s house was caused by the wickedness of her mother; that the woman loved him just as much as ever at that time, but could not help the occurrence on account of her deference to her mother’s will; that she hated the union of her present lover, and disliked him excessively. In addition to this, they should created confidence in his mind by speaking to him of her former love for him, and should allude to the mark of that love that she has ever remembered. This mark of her love should be connected with some kind of pleasure that may have been practiced by him, such as his way of kissing her, or manner of having connection with her.


Thus end the ways of bringing about a reunion with a former lover.

The Kama Sutra: 27. The means of getting money

Money is got out of a lover in two ways visibly natural or lawful means, and by artifices. Old authors are of the view that when a courtesan can get as much money as she wants from her lover, she should not make use of artifice. But Vatsyayana lays down that though she may get some money from him by natural means, yet when she makes use of artifice he gives her doubly more, and therefore artifice should be resorted to for the purpose of extorting money from him at all events.



Now the artifices to be used for getting money from her lover are as follows: taking money from him on different occasions, for the purpose of purchasing various articles, such as ornaments, food, drink, flowers, perfumes and clothes, and either not buying them, or getting from him more than their cost; praising his intelligence to his face; pretending to be obliged to make gifts on occasion of festivals connected with vows, trees, gardens, temples, or tanks; pretending that at the time of going to his house, her jewels have been stolen either by the king’s guards, or by robbers; alleging that her property has been destroyed by fire, by the falling of her house, or by the carelessness of her servants; pretending to have lost the ornaments of her lover along with her own;


causing him to hear through other people of the expenses incurred by her in coming to see him; contracting debts for the sake of her lover; disputing with her mother on account of some expenses incurred by her for her lover, and which were not approved of by her mother; not going to parties and festivities in the houses of her friends for the want of presents to make to them, she having previously informed her lover of the valuable presents given to her by these very friends; not performing certain festive rites under the pretence that she has no money to perform them with; engaging artists to do something for her lover; entertaining physicians and ministers for the purpose of attaining some object; assisting friends and benefactors both on festive occasions, and in misfortune;


performing household rites; having to pay the expenses of the ceremony of marriage of the son of a female friend; having to satisfy curious wishes during her state of pregnancy; pretending to be ill, and charging her cost of treatment; having to remove the troubles of a friend; selling some of her ornaments, so as to give her lover a present; pretending to sell some of her ornaments, furniture, or cooking utensils to a trader, who has been already tutored how to behave in the manner; having to buy cooking utensils of greater value than those of other people, so that they might be more easily distinguished, and not changed for others of an inferior description; remembering the former favors of her lover, and causing them always to be spoken of by her friends and followers;


informing her lover of the great gains of other courtesans; describing before them, and in the presence of her lover, her own great gains, and making them out to be greater even than theirs, though such may not have been really the case; openly opposing her mother when she endeavors to persuade her to take up with men with whom she has been formerly acquainted, on account of the great gains to be got from them; lastly, pointing out to her lover the liberality of his rivals.



Thus ends the ways and means of getting money.

The Kama Sutra: 26. How to be a wife

When a courtesan is living as a wife with her lover, she should behave like a chaste woman, and do everything to his satisfaction. Her duty in this respect, in short, is that she should give him pleasure, but should not become attached to him, though behaving as if she were really attached.



Now the following is the manner in which she is to conduct herself, so as to accomplish the above-mentioned purpose. She should have a mother dependent on her, one who should be represented as very harsh, and who looks upon money as her chief object in life. In the event of there being no mother, then an old and confidential nurse should play the same role. The mother or nurse, on their part, should appear to be displeased with the lover, and forcibly take her away from him. The woman herself should always show pretended anger, dejection, fear, and shame on this account, but should not disobey the mother or nurse at any time.


She should make out to the mother or nurse that the man is suffering from bad health, and making this a pretext for going to see him, she should go on that account. She is moreover, to do the following things for the purpose of gaining the man’s favor.



Sending her female attendant to bring the flowers used by him on the previous day, in order that she may use them herself as a mark of affection, also asking for the mixture of betel nut and leaves that have remained uneaten by him; expressing wonder at his knowledge of sexual intercourse, and the several means of enjoyment used by him; learning from him the sixty-four kinds of pleasure mentioned by Babhravya; continually practicing the ways of enjoyment as taught by him, and according to his liking; keeping his secrets; telling him her own desires and secrets; concealing her anger; never neglecting him on the bed when he turns his face towards her;


touching any parts of his body according to his wish; kissing and embracing him when he is asleep; looking at him with apparent anxiety when he is rapt in thought or thinking of some other subject than herself; showing neither complete shamelessness, nor excessive bashfulness when he meets her, or sees her standing on the terrace of her house from the public road; hating his enemies; loving those who are dear to him, showing a liking for that which he likes; being in high or low spirits according to the state that he is in himself; expressing a curiosity to see his wives; not continuing her anger for a long time; suspecting even the marks and wounds made by her nails and teeth on his body to have been made by some other woman; keeping her love for him unexpressed by words, but showing it by deeds, and signs, and hints;



remaining silent when he is asleep, intoxicated, or sick; being very attentive when he describes his good actions, and reciting them afterwards to his praise and benefit; giving witty replies to him if he be sufficiently attached to her; listening to all his stories, except those that relate to her rivals; expressing feelings of defection and sorrow if he sighs, yawns, or falls down; pronouncing the words ‘Live long’ when he sneezes; pretending to be ill, or to have the desire of pregnancy, when she feels dejected; abstaining from praising the good qualities of anybody else, and from censuring those who possess the same faults as her own man; wearing anything that may have been given to her by him; abstaining from putting on her ornaments and from taking food when he is in pain, sick, low spirited, or suffering from misfortune, and condoling and lamenting with him over the same; wishing to accompany him if he be banished from it by the king; expressing a desire not to live after him;


telling him that the whole object and desire of her life was to be united with him; offering previously promised sacrifices to the deity when he acquires wealth, or has some desire fulfilled, or when he has recovered from some illness or disease; putting on ornaments every day; not acting too freely with him; reciting his name and the name of his family in her songs; placing his hand on her loins, bosom and forehead, and falling asleep after feeling the pleasure of his touch; sitting on his lap and falling asleep there; wishing to have a child by him; desiring not to live longer than he does; abstaining from revealing his secrets to others;


dissuading him from vows and fasts by saying ‘Let the sin fall upon me’; keeping vows and fasts along with him when it is impossible to change his mind on the subject; telling him that vows and fasts are difficult to be observed, even by herself, when she has any dispute with him about them; looking on her own wealth and his without any distinction; abstaining from going to public assemblies without him, and accompanying him when he desires her to do so; taking delight in using things previously used by him, and in eating food that he has left uneaten; venerating his family, his disposition, his skill in the arts, his learning, his caste, his complexion, his native country, his friends, his good qualities, his age, and his sweet temper; asking him to sing, and to do other such like things, if able to do them; going to him without paying any regard to fear, to cold, to heat, or to rain; saying with regard to the next world that he should be her lover even there; adapting her tastes, dispositions and actions to his liking; abstaining from sorcery;


disputing continually with her mother on the subject of going to him, and, when forcibly taken by her mother to some other place, expressing her desire to die by taking poison, by starving herself to death, by stabbing herself with some weapon, or by hanging herself; and lastly assuring the man of her constancy and love by means of her agents, and receiving money herself, but abstaining from any dispute with her mother with regard to pecuniary matters. When the man sets out on a journey, she should make him swear that he will return quickly, and in his absence should put aside her vows of worshipping the deity, and should wear no ornaments except those that are lucky. If the time fixed for his return has passed, she should endeavor to ascertain the real time of his return from omens, from the reports of the people and from the positions of the planets, the moon and the stars. On occasions of amusement, and of auspicious dreams, she should say ‘ Let me be soon united to him.


If, moreover, she feels melancholy, or sees any inauspicious omen, she should perform some rite to appease the deity.



When the man does return home she should worship the god Kama and offer oblations to other deities, and having caused a pot filled with water to be brought by her friends, she should perform the worship in honor of the crow who eats the offerings which we make to the names of deceased relations; After the first visit is over she should ask her lover also to perform certain rites, and this he will do if he is sufficiently attached to her.


Now a man is said to be sufficiently attached to a woman when his love is disinterested; when he has the same object in view as his beloved one; when he is quite free from any suspicions on her account; and when he is indifferent to money with regard to her.


Such is the manner of a courtesan living with a man like a wife, and set forth here for the sake of guidance from the rules of Dattaka. What is not laid down here should be practiced according to the custom of the people, and the nature of each individual man.



There are also two verses on the subject as follows: ‘The extent of the love of women is not known, even to those who are the objects of their affection, on account of its subtlety, and on account of the avarice and natural intelligence of womankind.’


Women are hardly ever known in their true light, though they may love men, or become indifferent towards them; may give them delight or abandon them; or may extract from them all the wealth that they may possess.

The Kama Sutra: 26. On Coutesans (prostitutes)

By having intercourse with men courtesans obtain sexual pleasure, as well as their own maintenance. Now when a courtesan takes up with a man from love, the action is natural; but when she resorts to him for the purpose of getting money, her action is artificial or forced. Even in the later case, however, she should conduct herself as if her love were indeed natural, because men repose their confidence in those women who apparently love them. In making known her love to the man, she should show an entire freedom from avarice, and for the sake of her future credit, she should abstain from acquiring money from him by unlawful means.




A courtesan, well dressed and wearing her ornaments, should sit or stand at the door of her house, and without exposing herself too much, should look on the public road so as to be seen by the passers-by, she being like an object on view for sale. She should form friendships with such persons as would enable her to separate men from other women and attach them to herself, to repair her own misfortunes, to acquire wealth, and to protect her from being bullied or set upon by persons with whom she may have dealings of some kind or another.


These persons are: the guards of the town, or the police; the officers of the courts of justice; astrologers; powerful men, or men with interest; learned men; teachers of the sixty-four arts; Pithamardsas or confidants; Vitas or parasites; Vidushakas or jesters; flower sellers; perfumeers; vendors of spirits; washermen; barbers; beggars; and such other persons as may be found necessary for the particular object to be acquired.


The following kinds of men may be taken up with, simply for the purpose of getting their money; men of independent income; young men; men who are free from any ties; men who hold places of authority under the king; men who have secured their means of livelihood without difficulty; men possessed of unfailing sources of income; men who consider themselves handsome; men who are always praising themselves; one who is naturally liberal; one who has influence with the king or his ministers; one who is always fortunate; one who is proud of his wealth; one who disobeys the orders of his elders; one upon whom the members of his caste keep an eye; an only son whose father is wealthy; an ascetic who is internally troubled with desire; a brave man; a physician of the king; previous acquaintances.


On the other hand, those who are possessed of excellent qualities are to be resorted to for the sake of love and fame. Such men are as follows: men of high birth, learned, with a good knowledge of the world, and doing the proper things at the proper times; poets, good story-tellers, eloquent men, energetic men, skilled in various arts, far-seeing into the future, possessed of great minds, full of perseverance, of a firm devotion, free from anger, liberal, affectionate to their parents, and with a liking for all social gatherings, skilled in completing verses begun by others and in various other sports, free from all disease, possessed of a perfect body, strong, and not addicted to drinking, powerful in sexual enjoyment, sociable, showing love towards women and attracting their hearts to himself, but not entirely devoted to them, possessed of independent means of livelihood, free from envy, and last of all, free from suspicion.



These persons are: the guards of the town, or the police; the officers of the courts of justice; astrologers; powerful men, or men with interest; learned men; teachers of the sixty-four arts; Pithamardsas or confidants; Vitas or parasites; Vidushakas or jesters; flower sellers; perfumeers; vendors of spirits; washermen; barbers; beggars; and such other persons as may be found necessary for the particular object to be acquired.


The following kinds of men may be taken up with, simply for the purpose of getting their money; men of independent income; young men; men who are free from any ties; men who hold places of authority under the king; men who have secured their means of livelihood without difficulty; men possessed of unfailing sources of income; men who consider themselves handsome; men who are always praising themselves; one who is naturally liberal; one who has influence with the king or his ministers; one who is always fortunate; one who is proud of his wealth; one who disobeys the orders of his elders; one upon whom the members of his caste keep an eye; an only son whose father is wealthy; an ascetic who is internally troubled with desire; a brave man; a physician of the king; previous acquaintances.


On the other hand, those who are possessed of excellent qualities are to be resorted to for the sake of love and fame. Such men are as follows: men of high birth, learned, with a good knowledge of the world, and doing the proper things at the proper times; poets, good story-tellers, eloquent men, energetic men, skilled in various arts, far-seeing into the future, possessed of great minds, full of perseverance, of a firm devotion, free from anger, liberal, affectionate to their parents, and with a liking for all social gatherings, skilled in completing verses begun by others and in various other sports, free from all disease, possessed of a perfect body, strong, and not addicted to drinking, powerful in sexual enjoyment, sociable, showing love towards women and attracting their hearts to himself, but not entirely devoted to them, possessed of independent means of livelihood, free from envy, and last of all, free from suspicion.


Now a courtesan should not sacrifice money to her love, because money is the chief thing to be attended to. But in cases of fear, etc. she should pay regard to strength and other qualities. Moreover, even though she is invited by any man to join him, she should not at once consent to a union, because men are apt to despise things that are easily acquired. On such occasions she should first send the shampooers, the singers, and the jesters who may be in her service, or in their absence the Pithamardas, or confidants, and others, to find out the state of his feelings and the condition of his mind.


By means of these persons she should ascertain whether the man is pure or impure, affected or the reverse, capable of attachment or indifferent, liberal or niggardly; and if she finds him to her liking, she should then employ the Vita and others to attach his mind to her. Accordingly, the Pithamarda should bring the man to her house, under the pretence of seeing the fights of quails, cocks, and rams, of hearing the mynah (a kind of starling) talk, or of seeing some other spectacle, or the practice of some art; or he may take the woman to the abode of the man.


After this, when the man comes to her house, the woman should give him something capable of producing curiosity, and love in his heart, such as an affectionate present, telling him that it was specially designed for his use. She should also amuse him for a long time by telling him such stories and doing such things as he may take most delight in. When he goes away she should frequently send to him a female attendant, skilled in carrying on a jesting conversation, and also a small present at the same time. She should also sometimes go to him herself under the pretence of some business, and accompanied by the Pithamarda.


Thus end the means of attaching to herself the man desired.


There are also some verses on the subject as follows: ‘When a lover comes to her abode, a courtesan should give him a mixture of betel leaves and betel nut, garlands of flowers and perfumed ointments and, showing her skill in arts, should entertain him with a long conversation. She should also give him some loving presents, and make an exchange of her own things with his, and at the same time should show him her skill in sexual enjoyment. When a courtesan is thus united with her lover she should always delight him by affectionate gifts, by conversation, and by the application of tender means of enjoyment.’

The Kama Sutra: 25. How to show feelings

A poor man possessed of good qualities, a man born of a low family possessed of mediocre qualities, a neighbor possessed of wealth, and one under the control of his father, mother or brothers, should not marry without endeavoring to gain over the girl from her childhood, to love and esteem them. Thus a boy separated from his parents, and living in the house of his uncle, should try to gain over the daughter of his uncle, or some other girl, even though she be previously betrothed to another. And this way of gaining over a girl, says Ghotakamukha, is unexpectional, because Dharma can be accomplished by means of it, as well as any other way of marriage.


When a boy has thus begun to woo the girl he loves, he should spend his time with her and amuse her with various games and diversions fitted for their age and acquaintanceship, such as picking and collecting flowers, making garlands of flowers, playing the roles of members of a fictitious family, cooking food, playing with dice, playing with cards, the game of odd and even, the game of finding out the middle finger, the game of six pebbles, and such other games as may be prevalent in the country, and agreeable to the disposition of the girl.


In addition to this, he should carry on various amusing games played by several persons together, such as hide and seed, playing with seeds, hiding things in several small heaps of wheat and looking for them, blind-man’s buff, gymnastic exercises, and other games of the sort, in company with the girl, her friends and female attendants.


The man should also show great kindness to any woman whom the girl thinks fit to be trusted, and should also make new acquaintances, but above all he should attach to himself by kindness and little services, the daughter of the girl’s nurse, for if she be gained over, even though she comes to know of his design, she does not cause any obstruction, but is sometimes even able to effect an union between him and the girl. And though she knows the true character of the man, she always talks of his many excellent qualities to the parents and relations of the girl, even though the parents and relations of the girl, even though she may not be desired to do so by him.


In the next place he should get her to meet him in some place privately, and should then tell her that the reason of his giving presents to her in secret was the fear that the parents of both of them might be displeased, and then he may add that the things which he had given her had been much desired by other people. When her love begins to show signs of increasing, he should relate to her agreeable stories if she expresses a wish to hear such narratives.



Or if she takes delight in legerdemain, he should amaze her by performing various tricks of jugglery; or if she feels a great curiosity to see a performance of the various arts, he should show his own skill in them. When she is delighted with singing he should entertain her with music, and festivals, and at the time of her return after being absent from home, he should present her with bouquets of flowers, and with chaplets for the head, and with ear ornaments and rings, for these are the proper occasions on which such things should be presented.


He should also teach the daughter of the girl’s nurse all the sixty-four means of pleasure practiced by men, and under this pretext should also inform her of his great skill in the art of sexual enjoyment. All this time he should wear a fine dress, and make as good an appearance as possible, for young women love men who live with them, and who are handsome, good looking and well dressed. As for the saying that though women may fall in love, they still make no effort themselves to gain over the object of their affections, that is only a matter of idle talk.

The Kama Sutra: 24. Husbands and wives

The causes of re-marrying during the lifetime of the wife are as follows: the folly or ill temper of the wife; her husband’s dislike of her; the want of offspring; the continual birth of daughters; the incontinence of the husband.


From the very beginning, a wife should endeavor to attract the heart of her husband by showing to him continually her devotion, her good temper, and her wisdom. If however, she bears him no children, she should herself tell her husband to marry another woman. And when the second wife is married, and brought to the house, the wife should give her a position superior to her own, and look upon her as a sister.



In the morning, the elder wife should forcibly make the younger one decorate herself in the presence of their husband, and should not mind all the husband’s favor being given to her. If the younger wife does anything to displease her husband, the elder one should not neglect her, but should always be ready to give her most careful advice, and should teach her to do various things in the presence of her husband. Her children she should treat as her own, her attendants she should cherish with love and kindness, and her relations with great honor.


When there are many other wives beside herself, the elder wife should associate with the one who is immediately next to her in rank and age, and should instigate the wife who has recently enjoyed her husband’s favor to quarrel with the present favorite. After this she should sympathize with the former, and having collected all the other wives together, should get them to denounce the favorite as a scheming and wicked woman, without however committing herself in any way.


If the favorite wife happens to quarrel with the husband, then the elder wife should take her part and give her false encouragement, and thus cause the quarrel to be increased. If there be only a little quarrel between the two, the elder wife should do all she can to work it up into a large quarrel. But if after all this, she finds the husband still continues to love his favorite wife, she should then change her tactics, and endeavor to bring about a conciliation between them, so as to avoid her husband’s displeasure. Thus ends the conduct of the elder wife.


The younger wife should regard the elder wife of her husband as her mother, and should not give anything away, even to her won relations, without her knowledge. She should tell her everything about herself, and not approach her husband without her permission. Whatever is told to her by the elder wife she should not reveal to others, and she should take care of the children of the senior even more than of her own. When alone with her husband she should serve him well, but should not tell him of the pain she suffers from the existence of a rival wife.


She may also obtain secretly from her husband some marks of his particular regard for her, and may tell him that she lives only for him, and for the regard that he has for her. She should never reveal her love for her husband, nor her husband’s love for her to any person, either in pride or in anger, for a wife that reveals the secrets of her husband is despised by him. As for seeking to obtain the regard of her husband, Gonardiya says, this should always be done in private, for fear of the elder wife. If the elder wife be disliked by her husband, or be childless, she should sympathize with her, and should ask her husband to do the same, but should surpass her in leading the life of a chaste woman. Thus ends the conduct of the younger wife towards the elder.



A widow in poor circumstances, or of a weak nature, and who allies herself again to a man, is called a widow re-married. The followers of Babhravya say that a virgin widow should not marry a person whom she may be obliged to leave on account of his bad character, or of his being destitute of the excellent qualities of a man, she thus being obliged to have recourse to another person. Gonardiya is of the opinion that as the cause of a widow marrying again is her desire for happiness, and as happiness is secured by the possession of excellent qualities in her husband, joined to love of enjoyment, it is better therefore, to secure a person endowed with such qualities in the first instance. Vatsyayana however, thinks that a widow may marry any person that she likes, and that she thinks will suit her.


At the time of her marriage, the widow should obtain from her husband the money to pay the costs of drinking parties, and picnics with her relations, and of giving them and her friends kindly gifts and presents; or she may do these things at her own cost if she likes. In the same way, she may wear either her husband’s ornaments or her own. As to the presents of affection mutually exchanged between the husband and herself, there is no fixed rule about them. If she leaves her husband after marriage of her own accord, she should restore to him whatever he may have given her, with the exception of the mutual presents. If however, she is driven out of the house by husband, she should not return anything to him.


After her marriage, she should live in the house of her husband like one of the chief members of the family, but should treat the other ladies of the family with kindness, the servants with generosity, and all the friends of the house with familiarity and good temper. She should show that she is better acquainted with the sixty-four arts than the other ladies of the house, and in any quarrels with her husband, she should not rebuke him severely, but in private do everything that he wishes, and make use of the sixty-four ways of enjoyment.


She should be obliging to the other wives of her husband, and to their children she should give presents, behave as their mistress, and make ornaments and playthings for their use. In the friends and servants of her husband she should confide more than in his other wives, and finally she should have a liking for drinking parties, going to picnics, attending fairs and festivals, and for carrying out all kinds of games and amusements. Thus ends the conduct of a virgin widow remarried.



A woman who is disliked by her husband, and annoyed and distressed by his other wives, should associate with the wife who is liked most by her husband, and who serves him more than the others, and should teach her all the arts with which she is acquainted. She should act as the nurse of her husband’s children, and having gained over his friends to her side, should through them make him acquainted of her devotion to him.


In religious ceremonies she should be a leader, as also in vows and fasts, and should not hold too good an opinion of herself. When her husband is lying on his bed, she should only go near him when it is agreeable to him, and should never rebuke him, or show obstinacy in any way. If her husband happens to quarrel with any of his other wives, she should manage to bring about the meeting between them. She should, moreover, make herself acquainted with the weak points of her husband’s character, but always keep them secret, and on the whole behave herself in such a way as may lead him to look upon her as a good and devoted wife. Here ends the conduct of a wife disliked by her husband.


A man marrying many wives should act fairly towards them all. He should neither disregard not pass over their faults, and should not reveal to one wife the love, passion, bodily blemishes, and confidential reproaches of the other. No opportunity should be given to any one of them of speaking to him about their rivals, and if one of them should begin to speak ill of another, he should chide her and tell her that she has exactly the same blemishes in her character.



One of them he should please by secret confidence, another by secret respect, and another by secret flattery, and he should please them all by going to gardens, by amusements, by presents, by honoring their relations, by telling them secrets, and lastly by loving unions. A young woman who is of a good temper, and who conducts herself according to the precepts of the Holy Writ, wins her husband’s attachment, and obtains superiority over her rivals.

The Kama Sutra: 23. A virtuous wife

A virtuous woman, who has affection for her husband, should act in conformity with his wishes as if he were a divine being, and with his consent should take upon herself the whole care of his family. She should keep the whole house well cleaned, and arrange flowers of various kinds in different parts of it, and make the floor smooth and polished so as to give the whole a neat and becoming appearance.

She should surround the house with a garden, and place ready in it all the materials required for the morning, noon and evening sacrifices. Moreover, she hold gods, for says Gonardiya, ‘Nothing so much attracts the heart of a householder to his wife as a careful observance of the things mentioned above.’



Towards the parents, relations, friends, sisters, and servants of her husband she should behave as they deserve. In the garden she should plant beds of green vegetables, bunches of sugar cane, and clumps of the fig tree, the mustard plant, the parsley plant, the fennel plant, and the xanthochymus pictorius. Clusters of various flowers such as the trapa bispinosa, the jasmine, the wild jasmine, the tabernamontana coronaria, the nadyawort, the china rose and others, should likewise be planted, together with the fragrant grass andropogon schaenanthus, and the fragrant root of the plant andropogon miricatus. She should also have seats and arbours made in the garden, in the middle which a well, tank, or pool should be dug.


The wife should always avoid the company of female beggars and mendicants, unchaste and roguish women, female fortunetellers and witches. As regards meals she should always consider what things are good for him and what are injurious to him. When she hears the sounds of his footsteps coming home she should at once get up, and be ready to do whatever he may command her, and either order her female servant to wash his feet, or wash them herself.


When going anywhere with her husband, she should put on her ornaments, and without his consent she should not either give or accept invitations, or attend marriages and sacrifices, or sit in the company of female friends, or visit the temples of the gods. And if she wants to engage in any kind of games or sports, she should not do it against his will. In the same way she should always sit down after him, and get up before him, and should never awaken him when he is asleep. The kitchen should be situated in a quiet and retired place, so as not to be accessible to strangers, and should always look clean.


In the event of any misconduct on the part of her husband, she should not blame him excessively, though she be a little displeased. She should not use abusive language towards him, but rebuke him with conciliatory words, whether he be in the company of friends or alone. Moreover, she should not be a scold, for says Gonardiya, ‘There is no cause of dislike on the part of a husband so great as this characteristic in a wife.’ Lastly, she should avoid bad expressions, sulky looks, speaking aside, standing in the doorway and looking at passers-by, conversing in the pleasure groves, and remaining in a lonely place for a long time; and finally she should always keep her body, her teeth, her hair and everything belonging to her tidy, sweet, and clean.



When the wife wants to approach her husband in private, her dress should consist of many ornaments, various kinds of flowers, and a cloth decorated with different colors, and some sweet-smelling ointments or unguents. But her everyday dress should be composed of a thin close-textured cloth, a few ornaments and flowers, and a little scent, not too much. She should also observe the fasts and vows of her husband, and when he tries to prevent her doing this, she should persuade him to let her do it.


At appropriate times of the year, and when they happen to be cheap, she should buy earth, bamboos, firewood, skins, and iron pots, as also salt and oil. Fragrant substances, vessels made of the fruit of the plant wrightea antidysenterica, or oval leaved wrightea; medicines, and other things which are always wanted, whould be obtained when required and kept in a secret place of the house. The seeds of the radish, the potato, the common beet, the Indian wormwood, the mango, the cucumber, the egg plant, the kushmanda, the pumpkin gourd, the surana, the bignonia indica, the sandalwood, the premna spinosa, the garlic plant, the onion, and other vegetables, should be bought and sown at the proper seasons.


The wife, moreover, should not tell to strangers the amount of her wealth, not the secrets which her husband has confided to her. She should surpass all the women of her own rank in life in her cleverness, her appearance, her knowledge of cookery, her pride, and her manner of serving her husband. The expenditure of the year should be regulated by the profits. The milk that remains after the meals should be turned into ghee or clarified butter. Oil and sugar should be prepared at home; spinning and weaving should also be done there; and a store of ropes and cords, and barks of trees for twisting into ropes should be kept. She should also attend to the pounding and cleaning of rice, using its small grain and chaff in some way or other.


She should pay the salaries of the servants, look after tilling of the fields, and take care of the rams, cocks, qulais, parrots, starlings, cuckoos, peacocks, monkeys, and deer; and finally adjust the income and expenditure of the day. The worn-out clothes should be given to those servants who have done good work, in order to show them that their services have been appreciated, or they may be applied to some other use. The vessels in which wine is prepared, as well as those in which it is kept, should be carefully looked after, and put away at the proper time.


All sales and purchases should also be well attended to. The friends of her husband she should welcome by presenting them with flowers, ointment, incense, betel leaves, and betel nut. Her father-in-law and mother-in-law she should treat as they deserve, always remaining dependent on their will, never contradicting them, speaking to them in few and not harsh words, not laughing loudly in their presence, and acting with their friends and enemies as with her own. In addition to the above, she should not be vain, or too much taken up with her enjoyments. She should be liberal towards her servants, and reward them on holidays and festivals, and not give away anything without first making it known to her husband.

Thus ends the manner of living of a virtuous woman.


During the absence of her husband on a journey, the virtuous woman should wear only her auspicious ornaments, and observe the fasts in honor of the gods. While anxious to hear the news of her husband, she should still look after her household affairs. She should sleep near the elder women of the house, and make herself agreeable to them. She should look after and keep in repair the things that are liked by her husband, and continue the works that have been begun by him. She should not go to the abode of her relations except on occasions of joy and sorrow, and then she should go in her usual traveling dress, accompanied by her husband’s servants, and not remain there for a long time. The fasts and feasts should be observed with the consent of the elders of the house.


The resources should be increased by making purchases and sales according to the practice of the merchants, and by means of honest servants, superintended by herself. The income should be increased, and the expenditure as much as possible. And when her husband returns from his journey, she should receive him, at first in her ordinary clothes so that he may know in what way she has lived during his absence, and also materials for the worship of the deity.



Thus ends the part relating to the behavior of a wife during the absence of her husband on journey.


There are also some verses on the subject as follows: ‘The wife, whether she be a woman of noble family. Or a virgin widow remarried, or a concubine, should lead a chaste life, devoted to her husband, and doing everything for his welfare. Women acting thus, acquire Dharma, Artha, and Kama, obtain a high position, and generally keep their husbands devoted to them.’

The Kama Sutra: 22. Creating confidence in a girl

For the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband should sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and at their food without seasoning it either with alkali or salt. For the next seven days they should bathe amidst the sounds of auspicious musical instruments, should decorate themselves, dine together and pay attention to their relations as well as to those who may have come to witness their marriage. This is applicable to persons of all castes. On the night of the tenth day, the man should begin in a lonely place with soft words, and thus create confidence in the girl.



Some authors say that for the purpose of winning her over, he should not speak to her for three days, but the followers of Babhravya are of the view that if the man does not speak with her for three days, the girl may be discouraged by seeing him spiritless like a pillar, and becoming dejected, she may begin to despise him as a eunuch. Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win her over and to create confidence in her, but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings, and when they are forcibly approached by men with whom they are but slightly acquainted, they sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex.


The man should therefore approach the girl according to her liking, and should make use of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself more and more into her confidence.


When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a ‘tambula’ or screw of betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not take it, he should induce her to do so by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for it is a universal rule, that however bashful or angry a woman may be, she never disregards a man kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this ‘tambula’ he should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully, without making any sound.



When she is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk, and so that she may be induced to talk he should ask questions about things of which he knows or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered in a few words. If she does not speak to him, he should not frighten her, but should ask her the same thing again and again in a conciliatory manner. If she does not then speak he should urge her to give a reply, because as Ghotakamukha says, ‘All girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves sometimes say a single word.’



When she is thus importuned, the girl should give replies by shakes of the head, but if she is annoyed with the man, she should not even do that. When she is asked by the man whether she wishes for him, and whether she likes him, she should remain silent for a long time, and when at last importuned to reply, should give him a favorable answer by a nod of her head. If the man is previously acquainted with the girl, he should converse with her by means of a female friend, who may be favorable to him, and in the confidence of both, and carry on the conversation on both sides. On such an occasion, the girl should smile with her head bent down, and if the female friend says more on her part than she was desired to do, she should chide her and dispute with her. The female friend should say in jest even what she is not desired to say by the girl, and add, ’she says so’, on which the girl should say indistinctly and prettily, ‘Oh no! I did not say so,’ and she should then smile and throw an occasional glance towards the man.


If the girl is familiar with the man, she should place near him without saying anything, the ‘tambula’, the ointment, or the garland that he may have asked for, or she may tie them up in his upper garment. While she is engaged in this, the man should touch her young breasts in the sounding way of pressing with the nails, and if she prevents him doing this, he should say to her, ‘I will not do it again if you will embrace me,’ and should in this way cause her to embrace him. While he is being embraced by her, he should pass his hand repeatedly over and about her body.



By and by he should place her in his lap, and try more and more to gain her consent, and if she will not yield to him he should frighten her by saying, ‘I shall impress marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts, and then make similar marks on my own body and shall tell my friends that you did them. What will you say then?’ In this and other ways, as fear and confidence are created in the minds of children, so should the man gain her over to his wishes.


On the second and third nights, after her confidence has increased still more, he should feel the whole of her body with his hand, and kiss her all over; he should also place his hands upon her thighs and shampoo them, and if he succeeds in this, he should then shampoo the joints of her thighs.


If she tries to prevent him doing this he should say to her, ‘What harm is there in doing it?’ and should persuade her to let him do it. After gaining this point he should touch her private parts, should loosen her girdle and the knot of her dress, and turning up her lower garment should shampoo the joints of her naked thighs. Under various pretences he should do all these things, but he should not at that time begin actual congress.



After this he should teach her the sixty-four arts, should tell her how much he loves her, and describe to her the hopes which he formerly entertained regarding her. He should also promise to be faithful to her in future, and should dispel all her fears with respect to rival women, and, at last, after having overcome her bashfulness, he should begin to enjoy her in a way so as not to frighten her. So much about creating confidence in the girl; and there are, moreover, some verses on the subject as follows:


‘A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl, should try and gain her over so that she may love him and place her confidence in him. A man does not succeed either by implicitly following the inclinations of a girl, or by wholly opposing her, and he should, therefore, adopt a middle course. He who knows how to make himself beloved by women, as well as to increase their honor and create confidence in them, this man becomes an object of their love. But he, who neglects a girl thinking she is too bashful, is despised by her as a beast ignorant of the workings of the female mind.



Moreover, a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not understand the hearts of girls becomes nervous, uneasy, and dejected, and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken advantage of her; and then, when her love is not understood or returned, she sinks into despondency and becomes either a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she has recourse to other men.’

The Kama Sutra 21. Choosing a girl

When a girl of the same caste and a virgin is married in accordance with the precepts of the Holy Writ, the results of such a union are: the acquisition of Dharma and Artha, offspring, affinity, increase of friends, and untarnished love. For this reason a man should fix his affection upon a girl who is of good family, whose parents are alive, and who is three years or more young than himself.



She should be born of a highly respectable family, possessed of wealth, well connected, and with many relations and friends. She should also be beautiful, of a good disposition, with lucky marks on her body, and with good hair, nails, teeth, ears, eyes, and breasts neither more nor less than they ought to be, and no on of them entirely wanting, and not troubled with a sickly body.


The man should, of course, also possess these qualities himself. But at all events, says Ghotakamukha, a girl who has been already joined with others (i.e. no longer a maiden) should never be loved, for it would be reproachable to do such a thing. Now in order to bring about a marriage with such a girl as described above, the parents and relations of the man should exert themselves, as also such friends on both sides as may desire to assist in the matter.


These friends should bring to the notice of the girl’s parents the faults, both present and future, of all the other men that may wish to marry her, and should at the same time extol, even to exaggeration, all the excellences, ancestral and paternal, of their friend, so as to endear him to them, and particularly to those that may be liked by the girl’s mother.


One of the friends should also disguise himself as an astrologer, and declare the future good fortune and wealth of his friend by showing the existence of all the lucky omens and signs, the good influence of planets, the auspicious entrance of the sun into a sign of the Zodiac, propitious stars and fortunate marks on his body. Others again should rouse the jealousy of the girl’s mother by telling her that their friend has a chance of getting from some other quarter, even a better girl than hers.




A girl should be taken as a wife or given in marriage, when fortune, signs, omens, and the words of others are favorable, for, says Ghotakamukha, a man should not marry at any time he likes. A girl who is asleep, crying, or gone out of the house when sought in marriage, or who is betrothed to another, should not be married.


The following also should be avoided: one who is kept concealed; one who has an ill-sounding name; one who has her nose depressed; one who has her nostril turned up; one who is formed like a male; one who is bent down; one who has crooked thighs; one who has a projecting forehead; one who has a bald head; one who does not like purity; one who is affected with the gulma; one who is disfigured in any way; one who has not fully arrived at puberty; one who is a friend; one who is a younger sister; one who is a Varshakari.


In the same way, a girl who is called by the name of one of the twenty-seven stars, or by the name of a tree, or of a river, is considered worthless, as also a girl whose name ends in ‘r’ or ‘l’.


But some authors say that prosperity is gained only by marrying the girl to whom one becomes attached, and that therefore, no other girl but the one who is loved should be married by anyone.


When a girl becomes marriageable, her parents should dress her smartly, and should place her where she can be easily seen by all.




Every afternoon, having dressed her and decorated her in a becoming manner, they should send her with her female companions to sports, sacrifices, and marriage ceremonies, and thus show her to advantage in society, because she is a kind of merchandise. They should also receive, with kind words and signs of friendliness, those of an auspicious appearance who may come, accompanied by their friends and relations for the purpose of marrying their daughter, and under some pretext or other having first dressed her becomingly, should then present her to them.


After this they should await the pleasure of fortune, and with this object, should appoint a future day on which a determination could be come to with regard to their daughter’s marriage. On this occasion, when the persons have come, the parents of the girl should ask them to bathe and dine, and should say, ‘Everything will take place at the proper time,’ and should not then comply with the request, but should settle the matter later.

When a girl is thus acquired, either according to the custom of the country, or according to his own desire, the man should marry her in accordance with the precepts of the Holy Writ, according to one of the four kinds of marriage.


Amusement in society, such as completing verses begun by others, marriages, and auspicious ceremonies should be carried on neither with superiors, nor inferiors, but with equals. That should be known as a high connection when a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her and her relations afterwards like a servant, and such a connection is censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproachable connection, where a man together with his relations, lords it over his wife, is called a low connection by the wise.


But when both the man and the woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on both sides pay respect to one another, such is called a connection in the proper sense of the word. Therefore, a man should contract neither a high connection by which he is obliged to bow down afterwards to his kinsmen, nor a low connection, which is universally reprehended by all.

The Kama Sutra: 20. Royal harem and own wife

The women of the royal harem cannot see or meet any men on account of their being strictly guarded, neither do they have their desires satisfied, because their only husband is common to many wives. For this reason, among themselves, they give pleasure to each other in various ways as now described. Having dressed the daughters of their nurses, or their female friends, or their female attendants, like men, they accomplish their object by means of bulbs, roots, and fruits having the form of the lingam, or they lie down upon the statue of a male figure, in which the lingam is visible and erect.



Some kings, who are compassionate, take or apply certain medicines, to enable them to enjoy many wives in one night, simply for the purpose of satisfying the desire of their own. Others enjoy with great affection only those wives that they particularly like, while others only take them, according as the turn of each wife arrives in due course. Such are the ways of enjoyment prevalent in Eastern countries, and what is said about the means of enjoyment of the female, is also applicable to the male. By means of their female attendants, the ladies of the royal harem generally get men into their apartments in the disguise or dress of women.


Their female attendants, and the daughters of their nurses, who are acquainted with their secrets, should exert themselves to get men to come to the harem in this way, by telling them of the good fortune attending it, and by describing the facilities of entering and leaving the palace, the large size of the premises, the carelessness of the sentinels, and the irregularities of the attendants about the persons of the royal wives. But these women should never induce a man to enter the harem by telling him falsehoods, for that would probably lead to his destruction.


As for the man himself, he had better not enter a royal harem, even though it may be easily accessible, on account of the numerous disasters to which he may be exposed there. If however, he wants to enter it, he should first ascertain whether there is an easy way to get out, whether it is closely surrounded by the pleasure garden, whether it has separate enclosures belonging to it, whether the sentinels are careless, whether the king has gone abroad, and then, when he is called by the women of the harem, he should carefully observe the localities, and enter by the way pointed out by them.


If he is able to manage it, he should hang about the harem every day, and under some pretext or other, make friends with the sentinels, and show himself attached to the female attendants of the harem, who may have become acquainted with his design, and to whom he should express his regret at not being able to obtain the object of his desire. Lastly, he should cause the whole business of a go-between to be done by the women who may have access to the harem, and he should be careful to be able to recognize the emissaries of the king.


When a go-between has no access to the harem, then the man should stand in some place where the lady whom he loves, and whom he is anxious to enjoy, can be seen. If that place is occupied by the king’s sentinels, he should then disguise himself as a female attendant of the lady who comes to the place, or passes by it. When she looks at him, he should let her know his feelings by outward signs and gestures, and should show her pictures, things with double meanings, chaplets of flowers, and rings.



He should carefully mark the answer she gives, whether by word or sign, or by gesture, and should then try and get into the harem. If he is certain of her coming to some particular place, he should conceal himself there, and at the appointed time should enter along with her, so one of the guards.


The entrance of young men into harems, and their exit from them, generally take place when things are being brought into the palace, or when things are being taken out of it, or when drinking festivals are going on, or when the female attendants are in a hurry, or when the residence of some of the royal ladies is being changed, or when the king’s wives go to gardens, or to fairs, or when they enter the palace on their return from them, or lastly, when the king is absent on a long pilgrimage. The women of the royal harem know each other’s secrets, and having but one object to attain, they give assistance to each other. A young man, who enjoys all of them, and who is common to them all, can continue enjoying his union with them so long as it is kept quiet, and is not known abroad.



For these reasons, a man should guard his own wife. Old authors say that a king should select for sentinels in his harem, such men as have their freedom from carnal desires well tested. But such men, though free themselves from carnal desire, by reason of their fear or avarice, may cause other persons to enter the harem, and therefore Gonikaputra says, that kings should place such men in the harem as may have had their freedom from carnal desires, their fears, and their avarice well tested. Lastly Vatsyayana says, that under the influence of Dharma people might be admitted, and therefore, men should be selected who are free from carnal desires, fear, avarice, and Dharma.


The followers of Babhravya say, that a man should cause his wife to associate with a young woman who would tell him the secrets of other people, and thus find out from her, about his wife’s chastity. But Vatsyayana says, a man should not cause his innocent wife to be corrupted by bringing her into the company of a deceitful woman.


The following are the causes of the destruction of a woman’s chastity: always going into society, and sitting in company; absence of restraint; the loose habits of her husband; want of caution in her relations with other men; continued and long absence of her husband; living in a foreign country; destruction of her love and feelings by her husband; the company of loose women; the jealousy of her husband.


There are also the following verses on the subject: ‘A clever man, learning from the Shastras the ways of winning over the wives of other people, is never deceived in the case of his own wives. No one, however, should make use of these ways for seducing the wives of others, because they do not always succeed, and moreover, often cause disasters, and the destruction of Dharma and Artha. This book, which is intended for the good of the people, and to teach them the ways of guarding their own wives, should not be made use of merely for gaining over the wives of others.’

The Kama Sutra: 19. Other forms of marrige

When a girl cannot meet her lover frequently in private, she should send the daughter of her nurse to him, it being understood that she has confidence in her, and had previously gained her over to her interests. On seeing the man, the daughter of the nurse should, in the course of conversation, describe to him the noble birth, the good disposition, the beauty, talent, skill, knowledge of human nature and affection of the girl in such a way as not to let him suppose that she had been sent by the girl, and should thus create affection for the girl in the heart of the man.


To the girl also, she should speak about the excellent qualities of the man, especially of those qualities that she knows are pleasing to the girl. When the girl is gained over, and acts openly with the man as his wife, he should cause fire to be brought from the house of a Brahman, and having spread the Kusha grass upon the ground, and offered an oblation to the fire, he should marry her according to the precepts of the religious law.


After this, he should inform his parents of the fact, because it is the opinion of ancient authors that a marriage solemnly contracted in the presence of fire cannot afterwards be set aside.


After the consummation of the marriage, the relations of the man should gradually be made acquainted with the affair, and the relations of the girl should also be apprised of it in such a way, that they may consent to the marriage, and overlook the manner in which it was brought about, and when this is done, they should afterwards be reconciled by affectionate presents and favorable conduct. In this manner the man should marry the girl according to the Gandharva form of marriage.When the girl cannot make up her mind, or will not express her readiness to marry, the man should obtain her in any one of the following ways:


1) On a fitting occasion, and under some excuse, he should, by means of a female friend with whom he is well acquainted and whom he can trust, and who also is well known to the girl’s family, get the girl brought unexpectedly to his house, and he should then bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before described.


2) When the marriage of the girl with some other person draws near, the man should disparage the future husband to the utmost in the mind of the mother of the girl, and then having got the girl to come with her mother’s consent, to a neighboring house, he should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as above.


3) The man should become a great friend of the brother of the girl, the said brother being of the same age as himself, and addicted to courtesans, and to intrigues with the wives of other people, and should give him assistance in such matters, and also give him occasional presents. He should then tell him about his great love for his sister, as young men will sacrifice even their lives for the sake of those who may be of the same age, habits, and disposition as themselves. After this, the man should get the girl brought by means of her brother, to some secure place, and having brought fire from the house of a Brahman should proceed as before.



4) The man should on the occasion of festivals, get the daughter of the nurse to give the girl some intoxicating substance, and then cause her to be brought to some secure place under the pretence of some business, and there having enjoyed her before she recovers from her intoxication, should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before.


5) The man should, with the connivance of the daughter of the nurse, carry off the girl from her house while she is asleep, and then, having enjoyed her before she recovers from her sleep, should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before.


There are verses on this subject as follows: ‘In all the forms of marriage given in this chapter of this work, the one that precedes is better than the one that follows it, on account of it being more in accordance with the commands of religion, and therefore it is only when it is impossible to carry the former into practice, that the latter should be resorted to.


As the fruit of all good marriages is love, the Gandharva form of marriage is respected, even though it is formed under unfavorable circumstances, because it fulfils the object sought for. Another cause of respect accorded to this form of marriage is, that it brings forth happiness, causes less trouble in its performance than the other forms of marriage and is above all, the result of previous love.

The Kama Sutra: 18. The art of enticement

If a girl begins to show her love by outward signs and motions, the lover should try to gain her over entirely by various ways and means, such as the following: When engaged with her in any game or sport, he should intentionally hold her hand. He should practice upon her the various kinds of embraces, such as the touching embrace, and others already described in a preceding chapter. He should show her a pair of human beings cut out of the leaf of a tree, and such like things, at intervals. When engaged in water sports, he should dive at a distance from her, and come up close to her.


He should show an increased liking for the new foliage of trees and such like things. He should describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account. He should relate to her the beautiful dream that he has had with reference to other women. At parties and assemblies of his caste he should sit near her, and touch her under some pretence or other, and having placed his foot upon hers, he should slowly touch each of her toes, and press the ends of the nails; if successful in this, he should get hold of her foot with his hand and repeat the same thing.


He should also press a ginger of her hand between his toes, when she happens to be washing his feet; and whenever he gives anything to her or takes anything from her, he should show her by his manner and look how much he loves her.



He should sprinkle upon her the water brought for rinsing his mouth; and when alone with her in a lonely place, or in darkness, he should make love to her, and tell her the true state of his mind without distressing her in any way.

Whenever he sits with her on the same seat or bed, he should say to her, ‘I have something to tell you in private,’ and then, when she comes to hear it in a quiet place, he should express his love to her more by manner and signs than by words. When he comes to know the state of her feelings towards him he should pretend to be ill, and should make her come to his house to speak to him. There he should intentionally hold her hand, place it on his eyes and forehead, and under the pretence of preparing some medicine for him, he should ask her to do the work for his sake in the following words: ‘ This work must be done by you, and by nobody else.’ When she wants to go away he should let her go, with an earnest request to come and see him again. This device of illness should be continued for three days and three nights. After this, when she begins coming to see him frequently, he should carry on long conversations with her, for, says Ghotakamukha, ‘Though a man loves a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking.’ At last when the man finds the girl completely gained over, he may then begin to enjoy her. As for the saying that women grow less timid than usual during the evening, and in darkness, and are desirous of congress at those times, and do not oppose men then, and should only be enjoyed at these hours, it is a matter of talk only.


When it is impossible for the man to carry on his endeavors alone, he should, by means of the daughter of her nurse, or of a female friend in whom she confides, cause the girl to be brought to him without making known to her his design, and he should then proceed with her in the manner above described. Or he should in the beginning, send his own female servant to live with the girl as her friend, and should then gain her over by other means.


At last, when he knows the state of her feelings by her outward manner and conduct towards him at religious ceremonies, marriage ceremonies, fairs, festivals, theatres, public assemblies, and such like occasions, he should begin to enjoy her when she is alone, for Vatsyayana lays it down that women, when resorted to at proper times and in proper places, do not turn away from their lovers.



When a girl, possessed of good qualities and well-bred, though born in a humble family, or destitute of wealth and not therefore desired by her equals, or an orphan girl, or one deprived of her parents, but observing the rules of her family and caste, should with to bring about her own marriage when she comes of age, such a girl should endeavor to gain over a strong and good looking young man, or a person whom she thinks would marry her on account of the weakness of his mind, and even without the consent of his parents. She should do this by such means as would endear her to the said person, as well as by frequently seeing and meeting him.


Her mother also, should constantly cause them to meet by means of her female friends, and the daughter of her nurse. The girl herself should try to get alone with her beloved in some quiet place, and at odd times should give him flowers, betel nut, betel leaves and perfumes. She should also show her skill in the practice of the arts, in shampooing, in scratching and in pressing with the nails. She should also talk to him on the subjects he likes best, and discuss with him the ways and means of gaining over and winning the affections of a girl.


But old authors say that although the girl loves the man ever so much, she should not offer herself, make the first overtures, for a girl who does this loses her dignity, and is liable to be scorned and rejected. But when the man shows his wish to enjoy her, she should be favorable to him and should show no change in her demeanour when he embraces her, and should receive all the manifestations of his love as if she were ignorant of the state of his mind. But when he tries to kiss her she should oppose him; when he begs to be allowed to have sexual intercourse with her, she should let him touch her private parts only, and with considerable difficulty; and though importuned by him, she should not yield herself up to him as if of her own accord, but should resist his attempts to have her.


It is only, moreover, when she is certain that she is truly loved, and that her lover is indeed devoted to her, and will not change his mind, that she should then give herself up to him, and persuade him to marry her quickly. After losing her virginity, she should tell her confidential friends about it.



There are also some verses on the subject as follows: ‘A girl who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes, and whom she thinks would be obedient to her, and capable of giving her pleasure. But when from the desire of wealth, a girl is married by her parents to a rich man, without taking into consideration the character or looks of the bridegroom, or when given to a man who has several wives, she never becomes attached to the man, even though he be endowed with good qualities, obedient to her will, active, strong and healthy, and anxious to please her in every way.


A husband who is obedient but yet master of himself, though he be poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common to many women, even though he be handsome and attractive. The wives of rich men, where there are many wives, are not generally attached to their husbands, and are not confidential with them, and even though they possess all the external enjoyments of life, still have recourse to other men.


A man who is of a low mind, who has fallen from his social position, and who is much given to traveling, does not deserve to be married; neither does one who has many wives and children, or one who is devoted to sport and gambling, and who comes to his wife only when he likes. Of all the lovers of a girl, he only is her true husband who possesses the qualities that are liked by her, and such a husband only enjoys real superiority over her, because he is the husband of love.’

The Kama Sutra: 17. Winning the woman

Ancient authors are of the opinion that girls are not so easily seduced by employing female messengers as by the efforts of the man himself, but that the wives of others are more easily got at by the aid of female messengers than by the personal efforts of the man. But Vatsyayana lays it down that whenever it is possible, a man should always act himself in these matters, and it is only when such is impracticable, or impossible, that female messengers should be employed.



As for the saying that women who act and talk boldly and freely are to be won by the personal efforts of the man, and that women who do not possess those qualities are to be got at by female messengers, it is only a matter of talk.


Now when a man act himself in the matter, he should first of all make the acquaintance of the woman he loves in the following manner:


First, he should arrange to be seen by the woman either on a natural or special opportunity is when they meet either at the house of a friend, or a caste-fellow, or a minister or a physician, as also on the occasion of marriage ceremonies, sacrifices, festivals, funerals, and garden parties.


Second, when they do meet, the man should be careful to look at her in such a way as to cause the state of his mind to be made known to her; he should pull about his moustache, make a sound with his nails, cause his own ornaments to tinkle, bite his lower lip, and make various other signs of that description. When she is looking at him, he should speak to his friends and other women about her and should show to her his liberality and his appreciation of enjoyments. When sitting by the side of a female friend, he should yawn and twist his body, contact his eyebrows, speak very slowly as if he was weary, and listen to her indifferently.


A conversation having two meanings should also be carried on with a child or some other person, apparently having regard to a third person, but really having reference to the woman he loves, and in this way his love should be made manifest under the pretext of referring to others rather than to herself. He should make marks that have reference to her, on the earth with his nails, or with a stick, and should embrace and kiss a child in her presence, and give it the mixture of betel nut and betel leaves with his tongue, and pres its chin with his fingers in a caressing way. All these things should be done at the proper time and in proper places.

Third, the man should fondle a child that may sitting on her lap, and give it something to play with, and also take the same back again.



Conversation with respect to the child may also be held with her, and in this manner he should gradually become well acquainted with her, and he should also make himself agreeable to her relations. Afterwards, this acquaintance should be made a pretext for visiting her house frequently, and on such occasions he should converse on the subject of love in her absence, but within her hearing. As his intimacy with her increases he should place in her charge some kind of deposit or trust, and take away from it a small portion at a time; or he may give her some fragrant substances, or betel nuts to be kept for him by her.


After this he should endeavour to make her well acquainted with his own wife, and get them to carry on confidential conversations, and to sit together in lonely places. In order to see her frequently, he should arrange so that the same goldsmith, the same jeweler, the same basket maker, the same dyer, and the same washerman should be employed by the two families. And he should also pay her long visits openly under the pretence of being engaged with her on business, and one business should lead to another, so as to keep up the intercourse between them.


Whenever she wants anything, or is in need of money, or wishes to acquire skill in one of the arts, he should cause her to understand that he is willing and able to do anything that she wants, to give her money, or teach her one of the arts, all these things being quite within his ability and power. In the same way, he should hold discussions with her in company with other people, and they should talk of the doings and sayings of other persons, and examine different things, like jewellery, precious stones, etc. On such occasions he should show her certain things with the values of which she may be acquainted, and if she begins to dispute with him about the things or their value, he should not contradict her, but point out that he agrees with her in every way.




Thus ends the ways of making the acquaintance of the woman desired.


Now after a girl has become acquainted with the man as above described, and has manifested her love to him by the various outward signs, and by the motions of her body, the man should make every effort to gain her over. But as girls are not acquainted with sexual union, they should be treated with the greatest delicacy, and the man should proceed with considered caution, though in the case of other women, accustomed to sexual intercourse, this is not necessary. When the intentions of the girl are known, and her bashfulness put aside, the man should begin to make use of his money, and an interchange of clothes, rings, and flowers should be made. In this, the man should take particular care that the things given by him are handsome and valuable.


He should moreover, receive from her a mixture of betel nut and betel leaves, and when he is going to a party, he should ask for the flower in her hair or for the flower in her hand. If he himself gives her a flower, it should be a sweet smelling one, and marked with marks made by his nails or teeth. With increasing assiduity he should dispel her fears, and by degrees get her to go with him to some lonely place, and there he should embrace and kiss her. And finally at the time of giving her some betel nut, or of receiving the same from her, or at the time of making an exchange of flowers, he should touch and press her private parts, thus bringing his efforts to a satisfactory conclusion.


When a man is endeavouring to seduce one woman, he should not attempt to seduce any other at the same time. But after he has succeeded with the first, and enjoyed her for a considerable time, he can keep her affections by giving her presents that she likes, and then commence making up to another woman. When a man sees the husband of a woman going to some place near his house, he should not enjoy the woman then, even though she may be easily gained over at that time. A wise man, having a regard for his reputation, should not think of seducing a woman who is apprehensive, timid, not to be trusted, well guarded, or possessed of a father-in-law or mother-in-law.