Faking it

You know who you are. Next time you go to yell: "Yes, yes, yes," stop and think about how to actually get the real thing.

Be honest, girls

If he just isn't pushing the right buttons, faking it gives him the false impression that he's doing everything right. Pretending you're having the night of your life 'trains' him to keep on doing stuff that just isn't turning you on. If he wants to make you feel good then that's fantastic, so don't be scared to show him what you like or ask out loud for what you really want. Most men will appreciate advice on what hits your spot anyway.

Get realistic, guys

Even with the most skilled lover, the majority of women do not climax every time they have sex. It's not usually anything to worry about, everyone gets tired, nervous or stressed now and again, and drugs or alcohol can have a numbing effect. Your girlfriend doesn't have to orgasm every time to enjoy sex - open up communication and encourage her to tell you what she does and doesn't enjoy. And remember that everyone is different - just because a past lover got off when you sucked her toes, it doesn't mean this one will.

Men fake it too

Yes ladies, that's right, you don't have a monopoly in the faking stakes. They do it because they're drunk and desensitised, nervous or stressed, or to cover up for losing an erection. They worry that women will get paranoid and upset if the man can't orgasm, assuming that he doesn't find them attractive, or is being unfaithful.

Was it real?

If you think your partner's faking it, check out the physical signs that happen when our bodies are in the throes of passion. Just bear in mind that every orgasm is unique and everyone expresses their sexuality differently. If you're after some kind of reassurance then go ahead and talk about it, just be aware that post-sex peace of mind comes from intimacy and trust.

Physical signs to tell if a woman really reached her peak:

• Stage one: The inner two thirds of her vagina swells and becomes darker during arousal, and her clitoris becomes more erect.
  
• Stage two: Her nipples become erect, breasts more sensitive to touch.
  
• Stage three: Her body demands more oxygen as she becomes aroused, which means her breathing rate quickens.
  
• Stage four: Blood pressure rises as her climax approaches. Watch out for a pinking in the cheeks, neck and chest.
  
• Stage five: The orgasm itself is marked by rhythmic muscle contractions in the outer third of the vagina and also the anus. The first few contractions are the strongest, and kick in every few seconds.

And the guys

• Stage one: Male arousal can kick in through physical or mental stimulation - from a snog, to a saucy video, a ride on the bus or idle thoughts. In fact, pretty much anything. Physically, look for an increased heart rate, hardening of the nipples, the beginning of an erection, swelling testicles and the same 'sex flush' found in women (chest, neck, cheeks);
• Stage two: Known as 'the plateau' stage, this is where a guy can either calm down and carry on with whatever he was doing, or he can go the distance. At this point, his scrotum is pulled up tight against his body and his erection is up to speed. Lubricating droplets of pre-ejaculatory fluid (or precum) may appear from the tip of his penis (this can contain sperm/sti's, however, so be sure to roll on that condom before this stage);
• Stage three: Ejaculation. His breathing quickens, the moment of ejaculation seems unstoppable, yes, yes, which is when the pelvic muscles begin to contract, the testicles tighten even more, oh God, and semen shoots out of the penis. Ahhh. Male orgasm and ejaculation are closely linked, but one does not always happen with the other;
• Stage four: Pizza, cigarette, sleep or death. Post ejaculation, the male body returns to an unaroused state comparatively quickly (light years compared to women). The penis softens within minutes, and breathing/heart rate returns to normal. If he's expected to perform again you may have to wait a while - this is known as the refractory period, and can last anything between minutes and hours.